Escape of Doom
by Invader Vex
Summary: No, No, NOOOOOO! were'e DOOMED! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED! Zim cried. dib rolled his eyes and glanced at Tak. This is YOUR fault! Thanks to YOU we've been banished to the underground classes!


Escape of Doom

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story. They are all copyright Jhonen Vasquez.

Warning: Hot ZATR, GAMR, and DATR. Even a little bit of poking fun at ZADR. No offense met, either.

Introduction--- Return-----

The ship landed quietly in the supermarket's empty parking lot. It settled down, and sat still for a moment. Then it shuttered and Transformed into a mobile Delishus Weenie stand. The back door opened, and the girl looked out at the sunrise. "Time for Skool, Mimi." The black cat whizzed out and stopped at Tak's legs. Tak's disguise hologram buzzed for a moment, causing it to scramble. She was still working on it. It'd been damaged in the crash, and no one on Irk had been able to help her with it. She scowled. She wanted this dirtball gone. It'd shamed her, and she was going to destroy it. Not to mention Zim. She wanted some sort of Revenge on him, but she wanted Earth more. Her fists clenched. Mimi Purred. "Yes. Let's go." The two walked off towards Skool.

-Chapter one- Devious Deeds of Doom---

Dib stuck the tip of his scythe-like hair in the lock. After working it around, the classroom door opened. He hurriedly ran over to Mrs. Bitters' desk and took a saw out of his back pack. He chuckled to himself. This was his best plan yet! A way to get rid of Zim forever. He sawed off a leg of Mrs. Bitters' chair, and carefully placed it so it looked normal. He giggled again and slid the saw under Zim's desk. "What are you doing?" Dib jumped and fell over the desk next to him. "That voice…" He looked up. "Tak!?" He gasped. Tak stood in the doorway, glaring at him. "If this is a plan it's a pathetic one at that! Send him to detention, Tch, he'll be back in three days!" she sneered, and sat down at her desk. "How did you get back? And I'm not sending him to detention!" He asked fearfully. She was probably concocting some evil scheme already. "That's none of your business! Zim is MINE to take Revenge on!" she snapped. Something caught his eye outside. Mimi's Red eyes glared at him from a tree limb. He gulped. He'd only seen a little of what a SIR unit could do. He really didn't want to know what else it could do. The rest of the class began filing in. One by one Tak hypnotized them and they each told her welcome back and said nothing else. Dib sat down in front of her nervously. Zim marched in; dragging what looked like a squirrel on a leash. The squirrel seemed to be dead. He sat down at his desk. Placing the animal on his books. Zita looked at it. "Eww. Why did you bring a dead squirrel to school?" she asked. "Silence Female earth stink!! You shall all see soon enough…" He said, trying to sound ominous. Zita raised an eyebrow, but said nothing else. Tak snorted with laughter a little. Dib rolled his eyes. Mrs. Bitters walked in. Dib grinned, time for his plan to come into action. "Shut up children. I shall now take roll." She went over to her desk and sat down in her chair. It collapsed. The class went quiet, and watched in trepidation. Mrs. Bitter slowly rose, her face flushed red, and her teeth gritting so hard Dib could hear them cracking. "_WHO?"_ she bellowed. "Zim Mrs. Bitters! He's got a saw under his desk!" Mrs. Bitters' head snapped towards him. "YOU!" She roared. Zim glanced around nervously. "The earth boy LIES! Zim has no saw!" Bitters walked over to Zim. "Then what's that!?" She growled pointing to the saw Dib had stuck under Zim's desk. Zim looked down. "What! That's not mine I-"Mrs. Bitters was trembling with rage. Fire billowed up behind her. "YOU!!! YOU ARE BANISHED TO THE UNDERGROUND CLASSES!!!" Zim's eyes widened. He looked down as the floor opened up into black abyss. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…" His voice faded as he fell into the darkness. Dib listened in triumph as the floor closed. "Mrs. Bitters, wait!" Tak was waving her hand furiously. "I saw Dib stick the saw under Zim's desk!" Mrs. Bitters Raised an eyebrow. "What!!" Dib turned around. No, Tak wouldn't ruin his plan! "I saw you put the saw there!" They began arguing loudly. "SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! YOU TWO ARE ALSO BANISHED TO THE UNDERGROUND CLASSES!!" Mrs. Bitters bellowed. They both froze and stared at her. Then they fell into nothingness.

(tehe. A little funny thing) Mrs. Bitters snorted. "Now, today we have a guest visitor. He has come to speak about the impending doom of earth and humanity. A tall man dressed entirely in black walked in. he had bloody red spiky hair, and glasses. "Hi. Call me J.C.V. Those three students are a perfect example. Revenge is very fun, and rewarding, but it can get you in trouble if you don't hide the bodies. I mean evidence. All your lives are worth nothing in society. You're just pimples on an ass. Annoying and unwanted. Though, if you make it to adulthood. You're still pimples, but, you're more important pimples. Then you get to work for 'the man' to make a living. Only to have him yell at you because you stayed up all night trying to meet a deadline for a comic and then try to take a little nap! And have to live in a run-down shack in the middle of nowhere with no electricity or water!! And have fan girls constantly raving over you, and crazed fans you keep breaking down your door!! And spamming up your computer and breaking my windows! Where every moment I'm looking over my shoulder, fearful of what I might see! Where I have to keep a gun in my belt and a bat with me at all times!! Its stupid kids like you!!! It drives me more into insanity than I already am!! There's no chance for me now, but…. KIDS! THEY'RE STILL TIME FOR YOU! KILL YOURSELF NOW WHILE YOU HAVE A CHANCE!! OOOOH THE FANS!! THE FANSSSSSS!!" He fell to his knees sobbing. "I like the way you think." Mrs. Bitters said.

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Tak woke up, something wet on her forehead. "Oooh…" She moaned and stood. It was pitch black. She wiped her forehead and tasted it. A nasty metallic taste caused her to spit. It's wasn't her blood thankfully. She wiped it off. They needed light. Her PAK responded. A flashlight sprung out and over her head, right into her hands. An Irken flashlight. She shook the little ball forcefully and it jumped to life. It glowed blue, and floated in front of her. It lit up the entire room. She looked around and realized with horror, it wasn't a room, it was a cavern. Stalagmites and stalactites hung from the ceiling and floor like teeth. Some had wet stuff dripping or running down from them. In the light, it appeared to be purple. She didn't investigate further. She took a step forward and tripped over something. The light hung in the air. "Ouch!" dib jolted up. Tak scrambled to her feet. "Watch where you're going space boy!" she snapped. Dib picked himself up off the ground and rubbed his head. "Where are we?" He asked looking around. "It one of you Planet's old lava or water chambers I suppose." She said, dusting herself off. Then she noticed that her hologram wasn't on. "Damn!" She swore. Dib glanced at her uncertainly. "sorry." She muttered. She looked at the hologram switch on her wrist. It was off, taunting her. She turned it back on. "Where's Zim?" He asked looking around. Tak calculated. Zim sat four rows over. She turned to the direction she hoped that she had been sitting. She turned to her right, and began walking. "If I'm correct, he should be… here. She looked behind a rock. "Zim! Wake up you fool! "Zim's eyes blinked open. "Ughnuhuhnuh…." He mumbled, and sat up. "Owww… my gorgeous head..." He rubbed his face. Then he suddenly snapped into reality. "AHHHH!! How am I supposed to get out of here!? We're gonna die! I've failed my Tallest!! We're DOOMED!! DOOOOOOOOOMED!!" He cried. Tak slapped him. Dib grinned. "Snap out of it!" she said. Zim sulked. "Get out your flashlight, we're getting out of this smelly earth cave." She said. Zim stood and they walked back out into the open, Zim furiously shaking a light. Tak took out her communicator. It hung above her head and she grabbed it. "Mimi! We need help." She said. Nothing came back, only static. "Mimi?" she asked. Zim got out his, and contacted Gir. "GIR! Gir! Answer me!" Nothing. "The rock must be interfering with the signals." Tak said. "Gir better not be out clubbing again. He drank an entire year's supply of Ice Sucky and I had to pay for it!" Zim scowled. Tak rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm not helping you two escape!" Dib said. "Why would we even _need _your help worm?" Zim snapped. They glared at each other. Tak walked between them. "How about Every man for himself. Zim walked in between dib and Tak. "Fine! I shall escape first and destroy this planet before wither on of you can even come up with a plan!" Dib was staring at the stalagmites on the ceiling. "Hey… Is that… blood?" A roar shook the ground. They all turned. In the shadows, eight pairs of red eyes glared at them from the darkness. The all trembled in fear. A snoot erupted from the creature. "On the count of three…" Dib said hoarsely. "We run to the right." Tak and Zim nodded slowly, not wanting to invoke the creature. "One…" A footstep came towards them. The eyes narrowed. "Two." The beast growled. "THREEE!" Zim yelled, and took off running. "No! You idi-"The monster roared and rampaged towards them. Tak and Dib screamed, and followed after Zim. The two Irkens got out their spiderlegs and took off, ahead of Dib. "Hey! Wait for me!!" Dib called desperately. He looked over his shoulder. Whatever that thing was, it was gone. He stopped. "Hey! Guys! It's gone!" He called into the darkness. They had run off too far. He saw two blue lights in the distance; they bobbed for a moment, and then disappeared. Dib gulped to himself in the dark. He couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. He sat down and hugged his knees to his chest. His hand instinctively reached to his neck, grasping a locket. He couldn't see it in the dark, but the image was so clear, and He'd seen it so many times, he closed his eyes and saw it on the insides of his eyelids. Gretchen. He sighed. He opened his eyes. Pitch blackness. He closed his eyes again and thought about Gretchen. He remembered last Saturday, His Dad had taken them to an ice cream bar. Dib had been amazed when his dad volunteered to drive them. He'd said: "you having a girlfriend makes you less insane!" Then he'd muttered under his breath. "And it clears up some fears of mine about you.." Dib jolted awake. He'd been asleep? He looked around, waiting for the darkness to go away. Then he remembered where he was. He heard something in the distance. It sounded like a girl screaming something repeatedly. He stood and felt around. He walked blindly towards the yelling, groping for stalagmites in the darkness. As he got closer, he recognized the voice as Tak's. He cut his hand on a sharp rock. "Ow!" He yelped. Tak went quiet. He heard a 'shhh' and a giggle. He paused. After a moment, he heard a few more murmurs. As he progressed more, Tak started yelling again. "YES!! YES!!" Dib winced at her volume. That creature might hear… "Oooh Yes! Yes!" A gross thought came to Dib's mind. 'No, that's just wrong.' He tried to push the image out of his head. "Zim? Tak?" Tak fell silent again. He heard some fevered whispered and the scrambling of feet. He stubbed his toe on one of their flashlights. He picked it up and shook it. "Hey!!" He heard Zim snap. He looked up. Zim was trying to cover his nude body with his pink uniform. Dib felt like throwing up. His 'gross image' was right. He heard Tak said a few nasty swear words from behind a rock. "Ok, I don't even _want _to know." He shivered. Zim scowled and threw on his uniform when Dib turned around. "Keep in your own business Earth weasel!" He snapped, pulling on his boots. "Yeah, looks like you had your own 'business' going on there. " He said. Zim glared at him. "Well at least my company can actually GET business!" He retorted. Dib didn't have a reply to that. Tak came out, dusting herself off, Glaring at Dib. "Let's get out of here. I want to go home." Dib thought about saying something to that, but He didn't want to be killed by Tak. "What happened to getting revenge on Zim?" Dib asked with an eyebrow raised. Tak scoffed at him. "I already got revenge. (I've got HIV!!Lol)" Zim nodded, looking nervously at Tak. Dib looked between them. "How?" Zim shook his head. "You don't wanna know." Dib didn't dive any deeper. "Let's find a way out of here." Dib began walking away, the two Irkens following him.

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Mimi shot up, alert. She was receiving a very faint signal from her lord. Her master was in trouble. It was coming from below. She ran a scan. Some type of rock was interfering with her scans and signals. She ran a check for anything helpful in her memory. Perhaps the idiot Zim's SIR could reach through the rock. She doubted it, it being so idiotic and malfunction-prone. But, it was possible. She sped to Zim's house. When she arrived at the door, she jumped up and hit the doorbell with her tail. After a moment, Gir answered. "Yeeeeeeeeeeees?" He said, sucking on a Sucky slushy. "Our masters are in trouble. I need you to come with me. "YAAAAAY!" Gir clapped. Mimi stared at him. "Your master is in trouble! He might die! Your fake mission to destroy this planet would be a failure, more so than it already is, and you would be turned to scrap for another SIR unit! Not to mention you'd be a disgrace to all SIRs." Gir sucked hard on the straw, making smacking and grunting noises. Mimi frowned. "…Also more so than you already are…" Gir grinned. "Awww you're so sweet. I saw a guy do this on TV!" He grabbed Mimi and tipped her backwards, then ran his tongue across her cheek, then began kissing her. Mimi was entirely thrown off. What was this? She ran a scan through her memory. She had insufficient data on 'love'. Perhaps this was an Earthen sign of affection? She needed more information, so she let Gir continue to demonstrate. After a moment, Gir stopped. "Yeeee! Then the girl wrapped her legs around the guy and started hugging his head!" Gir started kissing her again. Mimi wrapped her legs around his middle, and cradled his head. Gaz walked by and stared at them dumbfounded. She slowly backed away and ran off. Mimi stopped. "….. Our Masters' doom can wait. Please, teach me more about 'love'." Gir nodded and carried her inside.

------- -

Dib looked around. Everything looked the same. "Haven't we passed that Desk?" He pointed. Zim shrugged. Tak wasn't paying attention anymore. She questioned the Dib human's skills. "What about a compass? At least then we'd know slightly where we've been. Zim looked around. "There isn't anything to make one with!" Dib nodded. He knew how to make a compass with a magnet, pin, cork, and water, but none of that was here. Tak sighed. She took a compass out of her PAK. They crowded around her to look. The point was spinning wildly in a circle. Tak looked around. "No wonder! This rock must be magnetic. That's why it was interfering with the signal…" Dib wished he'd paid more attention in archeology class. "We'd better find a way out soon. That thing might find us!" Zim said, trembling with fear. Dib nodded, shivering. That thing was scary. He felt like a mouse being hunted by a lion. "Agreed then. It's unanimous." Tak said, and started walking again. "But it's hopeless! Zim will be stuck wandering these rocks forever with YOU!" He shoved Dib in the back. "Hey! Watch it!" Dib pushed him back. Zim punched him in the face. Dib recoiled for a moment, and then kicked Zim between the legs. Zim fell to the ground. Tak grasped Dib's scythe-hair and flipped him backwards. "Hey no fair! It's two-on-one!" Zim stood. "Who said anything about being 'fair'?" He sneered, and kicked him in the stomach. Dib put up his arm to protect his face. Tak kicked his hard in the ribs. Then she grabbed his wrists and pinned him down while Zim continuously slammed his face with his fists. Dib sobbed as blood ran out his nose and mouth, and as the glass of his glasses shattered and cut his face. "I think he's learned his lesson." Tak let go, and Zim stood. "what lesson! Zim started it!" They began pummeling him again. "Now, shut up and follow our every command. Dib tried to wipe all the blood off his face. He nodded, his face smeared with blood and tears. Zim and Tak began walking off. He stood weakly and followed.

----- ----

Red yawned. "I'm bored." He looked at Purple, who was nibbling uninterestingly on a doughnut. "Wanna make fun of Zim?" Red shrugged. "Why not?" Red gestured at a pilot, and the screen flickered to Zim's living room. They both stared in horror. "OH MY GOD!! TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!" Red screamed. Purple fainted. The transmission was cut. Purple stood weakly. "I think… I'm going to…throw up.." He grabbed the nearest trashcan and puked into it. "Wasn't that Zim's SIR unit?" He asked. Purple wiped his mouth and nodded. "What was he doing to the other SIR? That was disgusting looking! Was he torturing it?" He wheezed, then vomited again. Red shivered. "With his lower area? I don't think so. Something is wrong with that Gir. He's a sick, twisted puppy." Red said, pale. Purple agreed then upchucked again.

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End file.
